Tuesday, July 12, 2011

It's been a rough five days

DH & I went visiting last week and I ate something I knew I shouldn't have even put in my mouth ~ let alone swallow it. I didn't want to offend our friend, who doesn't know about my condition. I need to be much stronger and even more hyper-vigilant when eating away from home. I knew I was doing the wrong thing and I've paid BIG TIME. My husband (who is very supportive) told me that I will continue to make mistakes and I must remember the lessons I learn along the way ... he's right. My daughter tells me that I must take food and drink with me wherever I go and be more in control of what I eat & drink ... she's also right.
I've been so sick since about an hour after this incident ... five days ago :(
I have absolutely no appetite and am finding it really difficult to eat anything due to severe, on-going nausea. Because I am not eating very much I have no energy; and doing anything is becoming quite a challenge. I feel a bit 'spaced out'. I made some chicken soup last night, with the very best intentions ... but the smell of it was even more nauseating. I ended up eating about half a cup plain, boiled, white rice - AGAIN! The only other thing I've been able to force down has been homemade LF egg custard in tiny amounts. Thank goodness some of my little chookies are laying organic eggs for me again. I can eat them the same day they are laid.
I've been in this headspace before and I so understand how people develop eating disorders. It would be so easy to just stop eating. I've had food phobia before. The really weird thing is that I hardly lose any weight when this happens ... 'famine mode' taking over, I guess.
I also bit the bullet and purchased a couple of medications which many other people in my position are having excellent success with. One of them is "Fructosin". This one comes from Austria and is pretty exxy - works out at around $1.65 per capsule. I have had a bottle of these for about 2 weeks now, but some of the ingredients (esp. the fillers) make me really twitchy. I'm not sure that I have the courage to try them.
The other one is "Digest Spectrum" from the U.S. which costs about the same amount. This one is a capsule which contains the digestive enzymes that people with my condition lack. I know that a number of people who use these two alternative medications are getting really good results. I'll continue to think about whether or not I risk it while I wait for the DS to get here. I've tried several different pre-biotics and pro-biotics in the past, but they only made things worse for me. I vowed I would not put anything with numbers attached to it in my mouth, but other peoples' results have me thinking hard ....

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